


Misery. Denial. Hope

by drarryisgreen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, scarstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-13
Updated: 2013-05-13
Packaged: 2017-12-11 17:33:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/801301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drarryisgreen/pseuds/drarryisgreen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for JMDC Challenge, Prompt: Denial.<br/>Sirius has a secret that he denies, his true feelings that he knows to be wrong.   How will he react when those feelings aren't so unrequited? One-Shot. Drabbling in the Sirius/Harry world.<br/><b>Disclaimer:</b> I do not own these characters, this fic was written for fun and no profit is being made.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Misery. Denial. Hope

Was it loneliness affected by the twelve years in Azkaban?

Sirius wondered about this consistently in his presence, he hated the feeling of yearning that he carried in his heart. Ever since he survived the battle in the Ministry against his own cousin, Sirius had been given another chance at life. Now, it had been a few years, the war was over, Voldemort was dead and everyone was moving on.

Shortly after the war Harry had stayed with him, he'd run into him in the kitchen searching for food in the middle of the night. He was often in his pants which made Sirius experience emotions he shouldn't. Harry asked him repetitively what was wrong, he tried talking to him in the kitchen but Sirius couldn't function around Harry when he was fully dressed let alone when he's parading around the house practically naked.

"I think maybe it's time for you to find your own place," Sirius suggested to Harry one night over dinner. "I am just going through some stuff and I think maybe it's better for me to be alone."

Harry obliged and found a flat. He could see that asking Harry to leave had broken his heart but he needed his space to think. Harry invited him over for dinner several times and Sirius denied with one excuse after another. When he found out that Harry and Ginny didn't reconcile after the war, he hated himself for feeling happy about it.

On his fortieth birthday, he desired only peace. All of his closest friends were dead, even acquaintances, such as Snape. A knock on the door startled him.

"Harry, what are you doing here? Why did you _knock_?"

"I didn't want to disturb you and simply Apparate into the house. You did kick me out after all," Harry answered. "I brought you something for your birthday."

"How did you know?" Sirius was stunned as Harry let himself in the house and placed flowers and a small cake on the coffee table.

"Sirius, you were my parents' best friend. I found my mother's journal years ago and she had marked everyone's birthday on it. I've known for several years. This is the first time we are free to celebrate it!" Harry beamed as he removed his wand from his pocket and lit the candles on the cake.

Sirius leaned towards the table, closed his eyes and blew the candles out. He looked up at Harry who leaned in and kissed Sirius gently. Sirius was further startled by Harry's actions he stood up to face him and Harry pressed his lips on Sirius' mouth again, though this time the kiss wasn't quite so tender.

"Harry, what are you doing?"

"Showing you, that _I_ want this too." As Harry answered Sirius backed up a few steps increasing the distance between them.

"I think you're mistaken, Harry. I am sorry, I need you to leave," Sirius commanded.

Harry took a few steps forward, shortening the distance between the two. "Sirius, why are you denying this? I know you want me, I want you, immeasurably."

"No Harry, you're confounded. I don't want this, I don't want you… you're my… this is wrong!"

"Sirius."

"Please leave, leave me alone!"

Harry bowed his head with gloom and turned to leave. Sirius wanted nothing more than to reach out and grab Harry's shoulder, pull him in, for a hug, a kiss. It felt so gratifying to taste Harry's lips. He had imagined this moment for over two years and it was finally here, but he let it go. Harry walked out of the house, without looking back; he closed the door behind him.

Sirius sank on the sofa staring at the cake Harry had left him. He noticed a small parchment sticking out from the bottom of the box. Sirius pulled out the parchment; it was a birthday note from Harry.

* * *

 

_Dear Sirius,_

_Knowing you, you've probably rejected my offer and have already tossed me out of the house. So, I just want you to know that I am here, my heart remains with you. Whenever you're ready, I'll be waiting for you. Whenever you're ready to leave your state of denial._

_Yours Always,_  
 _Harry._

* * *

 

 

**The End _  
_**


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